So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
