You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
