In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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