it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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