well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
