Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
