I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
