Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
