Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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