Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
