After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
