I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
