For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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