i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
