i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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