so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize