I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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