Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
