I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Even my vagina gasped.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
