Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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