it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
