she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
