Don't you send me to vm
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
