Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You are the jesus of drinking
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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