Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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