im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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