it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
