Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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