He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
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All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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