All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
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do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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