The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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