Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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