I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize