my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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