well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
