Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
