Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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