Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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