he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
