Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
