I wanna passion pit in your ass
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Two words: nipple clamps
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