He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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