this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
