i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
