youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
