You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
This is my gift to your gina
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
