Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
