what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
