She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
