tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
