it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We named our party play list daddy issues
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
