I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
