Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked and annoyed.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
that is very illegal...i love you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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