Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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