i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
