Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
