so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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