i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
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