Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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