There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
