It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
